Two Weeks To Go and Mrs Grumble Baffles Me

Well, I have about two weeks to go before fatherhood begins, and I have just stumbled in from the pub. I know it is wholly irresponsible at this time in the pregnancy, but I think this is going to be the last weekend of mischief for me for a while.

I smoked a lovely Cuban cigar will sipping a grubby pint of Stowford cider while listening to an awful band in my local pub.

I love music, and I mean love it, and I have been to a load of festivals, and live gigs but Jesus Christ, my local pub could not find an excellent band if they tried. Every week I have to endure some old chap squawking out some rubbish from the stone age and every week I expect it to be better than the week before. However, I am quickly reminded that I have my head in the clouds.

Anyway back to the pregnant Mrs Grumble….

Two weeks to go and she is big, and I mean big, her feet have swollen up so bad she got asked to play Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings last week.

Mrs Grumble spends most of the time crying, and if she is not doing that, she is weeing like a drunk Irish racehorse while still bloody crying. If you ask her what the hell is wrong her reply is always ” I DONT KNOW”… for god sake.

I have worked out I can’t possibly do anything right so have given up trying and spent the last couple of weeks away from the house tinkering in the garage and gardens just keeping out the way. This way I don’t cause one of her nuclear breakdowns and cast the south of England into the dark depths of a nuclear winter.

That brings me on to the Mrs Grumble to-do list…

We both have to-do lists, and I work through mine, and she works through hers. Mine is always focused on fun stuff, and hers is focused on mundane, boring jobs, so I tend to ignore the lists and plead ignorance. Well, this week she has upped her game and changed strategy and created a Google docs “to-do list” and shared it with me… this list is worse than any list on earth!!

We live in a lovely home, it is one of the cleanest tidiest places you could find, and she is still not happy. She wants things fixing and rooms painting, and when I start any job, she moans about the mess. You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs.

This to-do list is doing jobs that are not needed and even down to the stuff like “pick the baby up” from the hospital and “make the cot.” The dam baby is not even here yet and picking it up from the hospital is on the damn to-do list… the mind boggles!!!

Anyway, the baby is here in 2 weeks approx… watch this space!!!